oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
