Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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