His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
