We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
