I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
4 words: hood of his car
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
