if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
