Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
