he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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