4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
