Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
