Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
