I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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