i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
