everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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