I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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