I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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