I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
pray to the hookup gods
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
