i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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