i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
