if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
