He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
