I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
