So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
