I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
