He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
