Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
