she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
