he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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