It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We got so high we made milksteak
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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