it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
