Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
