U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
