So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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