I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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