Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
