the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
