three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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