you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
