the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So much rum. So many feels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
