I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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