I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
These tits shall not be calmed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
