i was born a porn star she said
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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