Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
