Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
