I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
