haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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