I want you more than these girls want KFC
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
