All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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