The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
