college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will pee on everything he values.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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