dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
