remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
