there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
