i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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