He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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