3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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