Pappa wants mamma naked
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
