If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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